Your biopsy is positive 🥺💔⁠

⁠My hands shook. I couldn’t find words to respond. A lump formed in my throat. I refused to reply until I could without her knowing I was crying. Learning how to comfortably & openly express my feelings is part of my personal mindfulness journey.⁠

⁠My paps starting coming back abnormal 2 years ago. My OBGYN’s plan was to continue to do paps every 3 months to keep an eye on it. After 1 year of abnormal paps, she said it was time to do a biopsy. That biopsy came back positive, right at the beginning of the pandemic nonetheless.

⁠This is not the first time I’ve dealt with this. In fact, women with lupus are at a higher risk for cervical cancer. This is just another fun side effect of living with a chronic autoimmune disease.⁠

⁠

After 1 year of working closely with my OBGYN, we were able to get things under control & my paps are finally coming back normal! INSERT HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!

⁠I believe this traumatic experience caused me to lose control of the progress I’d gained with lupus. I believe this is what caused my relapse. ⁠

⁠Stress is a huge trigger for lupus & the amount of stress I experienced over the last 2 years was crushing! My brain never shut off. It raced with thoughts; what if I can’t fight it this time, what if the treatment affects my fertility, what if I have to have a hysterectomy, what if, what if, what if, x’s infinity ♾ ⁠

⁠As soon as the good news came in, the bad news followed. I could see my cancer scare in the rearview mirror, but through my windshield, all I could see was the massive, scary, depressing lupus hill (more like a mountain) I was just about to try to scale…but like in 1970 Ford Pinto with zero horsepower & no brakes 😂⁠

⁠What more could I do but take a big deep breath & say, “okay, let’s do this!” Because here’s the thing about living with an incurable chronic disease, there will always be steps forward & backward, ups & downs, and if I don’t just keep on keeping on it will surely win, and ya’ll know how I feel about losing 😂⁠

⁠To all my chronic diseasers (not a word), what helps you get through the hard days? Let’s help support one another as best as we can.

I’ll go first. It sounds so simple but slowing myself down enough to acknowledge I’m not okay is a good place to start. I have a tendency to push through the pain, but that’s never lead me anywhere positive. If I stop, acknowledge, take a moment to take a few deep breaths, give myself permission to have a shitty day, and determine what I can do to care for myself I find the day is much more manageable. Your turn 😘👇🏽

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